Male Self-Esteem: How Money & Changing Gender Roles Impact Men

Money is often linked to status and power, and for many men, earning potential has traditionally been tied to their sense of identity and self-worth. As societal norms shift and more women become primary earners, this traditional expectation is creating significant challenges for men’s self-esteem and mental wellbeing.

Research shows that what we earn can profoundly affect our mental state, particularly when we compare ourselves to others, including our partners. For men, navigating a world where their female partner earns more can sting their pride and challenge deep-seated assumptions about masculinity.

The Weight of Tradition: Men as Breadwinners

For generations, the expectation for men has been to be the primary breadwinner. This role was synonymous with providing, strength, and identity. However, with a rising number of women outearning their male partners, this assumption is being increasingly challenged, exposing the influential impact of earning on power dynamics within relationships and wider society.

Men who are not the primary earners, or who become stay-at-home fathers, often face judgement. Examples include men feeling they are seen as “feminine” or even being subjected to harsh labels like “the house bitch.” These experiences underscore how deeply ingrained the male breadwinner norm remains.

This societal pressure can lead men to feel disempowered, negatively affecting their mental health. Studies indicate a strong connection between earning dynamics and male wellbeing.

The Impact on Mental Health and Relationships

The financial disparity within a couple can have tangible consequences for men’s mental health. One in-depth study tracking heterosexual couples over a decade found an increase in mental health diagnoses among men when their wives began earning more. While partners earning more impacted both genders, the rise was more pronounced for men, reaching up to 11% compared to up to 8% overall. This suggests a particular vulnerability for men tied to traditional financial roles, potentially linked to decreased relationship satisfaction.

Beyond mental health, the challenge to traditional masculinity can manifest in relationship issues. Some research suggests husbands of higher-earning women may be more likely to engage in infidelity, possibly as a way to reclaim a sense of threatened masculine identity.

Furthermore, men who are unemployed or step back from paid work can face higher rates of depression than out-of-work women, partly because men often have weaker social support networks outside of their careers. This isolation can be particularly acute for stay-at-home fathers.

Beyond Earnings: The Unequal Burden

Despite the increase in female breadwinners, societal gender attitudes toward work and home roles have been slower to evolve. Even when women are the primary earners, they disproportionately carry the load of housework and childcare compared to their lower-earning male partners. Data from the US shows that while stay-at-home dads do significantly more childcare than other father figures, their share of housework typically only reaches rough equality, not dominance.

This persistent imbalance reflects deeply held gender expectations. It also contributes to a phenomenon known as the “female breadwinner earnings penalty,” where households led by a primary female earner often have a lower average income compared to those led by men, partly due to the persistent gender pay gap. This suggests a need for greater support systems to compensate for this economic reality.

Finding the Upside: Shifting Towards “Caring Masculinities”

While challenging, the shift away from the sole male provider role can have positive outcomes. Increased father involvement in childcare, for instance, leads to more quality time with children. Paternity leave, even if minimal, has been shown to increase marital satisfaction and father-child bonding, setting the stage for a more equitable division of labor at home. This, in turn, benefits children by modeling balanced roles and empowers women to pursue their careers more effectively. Policies that earmark leave specifically for fathers, like those in Sweden, have proven effective in encouraging uptake and fostering a culture where male caregiving is normalised.

Navigating these changes requires introspection and open dialogue. As one expert notes, if men feel their self-esteem is impacted by their partner’s earnings, it’s an opportunity to reflect on and challenge ingrained ideals about gender roles.

There’s a growing recognition of “caring masculinities,” which broadens the definition of manhood beyond just providing to include empathy, caregiving, and practical involvement in family life. Embracing these roles – the “messy, gritty parts of care-work” – contributes to a more nurturing disposition and challenges traditional notions of male dominance.

Generational Divides and the Path Forward

While the movement towards gender equality continues, attitudes remain polarised, particularly among the youngest generations. Recent global surveys reveal that young men (Gen Z) are more likely than young women or older generations to agree that a stay-at-home father is “less of a man” and that men are expected to do “too much” for equality. This division may stem partly from young women’s recent educational and early career gains, leading some young men to feel they are “falling behind.”

Addressing these attitudes requires open conversations about what masculinity and feminism mean in the modern world, perhaps starting in educational settings. This is crucial to counter negative influences, including online misogyny.

Despite these divides, most people agree that gender equality is important. As the number of female breadwinners continues to grow, society will need to adapt. Normalising this economic shift requires men to embrace flexible working and increase their share of caregiving. This adaptation can lead to healthier power dynamics within relationships, increased satisfaction for both partners, and ultimately, a more balanced and equitable future for families.