Workplaces today are dynamic environments where human emotions are increasingly acknowledged, yet the act of crying still carries a complex stigma. Public figures, like politicians, sometimes experience emotional moments under scrutiny, sparking debate about the appropriateness of tears in professional settings. While such high-profile instances are rare for most, many individuals have experienced the unexpected surge of emotion leading to tears on the job.
This raises a fundamental question: is crying at work acceptable? Does it signal weakness, or could it, in fact, demonstrate strength, passion, or simply humanity? Shifting workplace cultures and evolving understandings of emotional intelligence suggest a change is underway, but navigating these moments can still be challenging.
Why Tears Happen at Work
People cry at work for a variety of reasons, reflecting the intersection of personal lives and professional pressures. Sometimes, tears stem from direct work-related issues. This can include receiving tough criticism, dealing with frustrating challenges, or feeling overwhelmed by stress and deadlines. As one individual from Lancaster shared, they cried after getting a “blasting” early in their career and years later out of “frustration.”
However, tears often arise from personal challenges that inevitably impact the workplace. Bad news from home, grief, or significant life changes can surface during the workday. One person noted leaving work immediately after receiving upsetting personal news. Another from London, working in finance, became emotional while dealing with personal issues but felt showing up despite it demonstrated “professional dedication.” Crying can also be a sign of deep passion for one’s work or a reaction to genuinely difficult circumstances like layoffs or personal bereavement.
Is Crying a Sign of Weakness or Strength?
Traditionally, crying at work was often seen as unprofessional, a sign of emotional instability or weakness. The old-school idea was to leave emotions “at the door.” However, this perception is being challenged. Experts argue that this view is outdated in modern workplaces.
Executive coach Shereen Hoban states that emotional intelligence is now considered a strength, not a liability. Career coach Georgia Blackburn adds that since employees face upsetting situations, companies must learn to support staff. An employer showing compassion is more likely to keep staff motivated and happier, ultimately boosting productivity.
Many personal accounts support this shift. Amanda in Stockport cried during a job interview after her father’s cancer diagnosis but got the job and found a remarkably supportive workplace in Manchester where her emotions were accepted during a difficult time. Fashion designer Amy Powney felt showing emotion at work was “demonised” but believes it can be a “superpower,” especially for women in leadership.
Conversely, some bias persists. Ann Francke, CEO of the Chartered Management Institute (CMI), notes that women may still be seen as “too emotional” and men shamed for being “soft.” While junior staff might find it more permissible, senior leaders crying can be seen as shocking. However, she contends that when handled authentically, it can show leaders are human and care deeply.
Ultimately, the perception can vary greatly depending on the context and the specific workplace culture.
The Physiological Side of Tears
Beyond perception, crying is a natural human physiological response. Licensed therapist Minaa B. describes crying as a way the body self-regulates when the nervous system is dysregulated. It helps return the body to a state where it can function properly. Operating outside this “window of tolerance” can lead to intense emotions and tears.
Crying also has potential benefits. It can act as a self-soothing mechanism, potentially calming the parasympathetic nervous system and lowering heart rate. Research suggests crying in supportive social environments can lead to feeling better, possibly due to the empathy received. However, crying in environments where one feels shame or anticipates negative reactions can worsen feelings.
Data indicates crying at work is common. A 2018 survey found 45% of 1,000 American employees had cried on the job. Women reported crying more frequently than men in one study, but many men also share experiences of crying with colleagues, patients, or families out of shared sadness, as reported by a doctor.
Workplace Culture Shapes Perceptions
Whether crying is accepted often depends heavily on the specific office culture and the experience of managers. HR consultant Rachel Weaven emphasizes that a company’s psychological safety is crucial. In supportive environments, employees may feel stronger showing emotion; in less supportive ones, they might face penalties.
Manager and colleague reactions also play a significant role. Research suggests crying can sometimes be disproportionately penalized compared to other negative emotions. It may be seen as an “intrusion,” requiring unwanted emotional labor from others. Individuals who cry may be negatively labeled as weak, unprofessional, or needy.
However, context is key. Crying due to personal bereavement or genuinely difficult news may be viewed as simply being human. Crying over work-related issues, like daily stress or deadlines, may garner less sympathy. Interestingly, a Harvard Business School study found individuals attributing tears to passion for their job were seen as more competent than those blaming general emotionality.
How Crying Might Affect Your Career
The potential impact of crying on career progression is a complex issue. Shereen Hoban warns that in some organizations, maintaining composure is still seen as strength, and emotion might be equated with instability, potentially affecting promotion prospects. Business etiquette expert Barbara Pachter agrees that crying for reasons other than genuinely difficult external news is often considered unacceptable.
However, this isn’t universal. Some organizations value leaders who are “real, self-aware, and able to navigate complexity, including their own emotions.” Ann Francke notes that when a senior leader cries authentically, it can be powerful, showing humanity and commitment.
Ultimately, one instance of crying is unlikely to ruin a career. What matters more is the broader picture: your performance, your presence, and how you recover and move forward.
Navigating Tears: Practical Advice
If you find yourself becoming emotional at work, taking immediate steps can help manage the situation:
Take a Break: Excuse yourself and go to a private space like a restroom or quiet breakout area. Step outside if possible. Allowing yourself a moment to compose yourself is crucial.
Allow the Tears: Don’t feel you have to suppress it completely in private. Allow the tears to flow briefly as a physiological release.
Practice Self-Compassion: Avoid being overly self-critical. Crying is a human reaction. Forgive yourself for the moment of vulnerability.
Breathe: Use breathing techniques to help regulate your nervous system and regain composure before returning.
Consider the Context: Reflect on what triggered the tears. Was it personal news, work frustration, or a deeper issue?
Decide How to Address It: Upon returning, you might choose to briefly acknowledge what happened, especially to a manager or close colleague who saw you. A simple “I’m sorry, I had a moment” or “Dealing with something personal” can suffice. You don’t always need a detailed explanation.
Communicate Needs: If appropriate, talk to your manager about what support you might need. Use “I feel…” language rather than accusatory “You…” statements. Identifying triggers and potential solutions is an empowering step.
Prepare Ahead: If anticipating a difficult conversation, prepare what you want to say. You can even preface it by saying you tend to be passionate about the topic and might get emotional.
- Focus on Self-Care: Ensuring you get enough rest and managing stress can help reduce emotional reactivity. If crying is frequent, it might signal a need to seek professional support from a therapist.
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Supporting a Crying Colleague
If you witness someone crying at work, your reaction matters. Avoid trying to “fix” them or the situation. Don’t dismiss their feelings with phrases like “Don’t cry.” Instead, manage your own discomfort and offer space or quiet support. Asking open-ended questions like, “Is there something I can do to support you?” shows compassion without being intrusive. Managers should be emotionally aware and consider offering flexibility or a mental health break if needed.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do people cry at work?
People cry at work for diverse reasons, ranging from work-related pressures like stress, frustration, or receiving criticism to personal issues such as bad news from home, grief, or overwhelm. Tears can also stem from passion for one’s job or be a physiological response to regulate intense emotions when the nervous system is dysregulated.
How should I handle crying at work if it happens?
If you cry at work, try to excuse yourself to a private space like a restroom or quiet area to compose yourself. Allow a moment for the tears to pass, practice breathing techniques, and practice self-compassion. Upon returning, you might briefly acknowledge the incident to a relevant person, like your manager, if necessary, without needing extensive explanation. Consider later discussing with your manager what support you might need.
What does crying at work say about my professionalism or career prospects?
Perceptions of crying at work are evolving. While traditional views might link it to unprofessionalism or weakness, increasingly it can be seen as a sign of emotional intelligence, passion, or simply being human, especially in supportive cultures. The context (why, where, who saw) significantly impacts perception. One instance is unlikely to ruin your career; focus on performance, resilience, and how you move forward. Bias can still exist in some workplaces, but attitudes are shifting towards greater acceptance of human emotion.
Ultimately, while traditional views on crying at work persist in some areas, there’s a clear shift towards acknowledging that emotions are a natural part of the human experience and inevitably surface in the workplace. Supportive workplace cultures that view emotional intelligence as a strength, not a liability, benefit both employees and the organization. Learning to navigate these moments with self-compassion and open communication, where appropriate, is key.
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